Women who need to go away to "think"

I have noticed that when I need to seriously sort out my life, I need to be far away from the day to day world that I live in.

Most times I pack my bags and go someplace. I once timed it perfectly so that I was sorting my life out IN Paris, Amsterdam and Brussells. I got a lot sorted out on the other side of the pond. All the things that were bothering me, didn't, so I was able to see what I needed to change. And in such a gorgeous place! But I do feel I missed a lot as I was absorbed with some major issues.

Some people tend to make fun of women who need to "get away" to sort things out. They don't understand that sometimes removing oneself from the day to day makes it easier to step back and look at the things that aren't working and create a plan with which to adjust and move forward.

It's really just a perspective thing. When you change the "view" of your life, it's easier to make the changes necessary. Think of Robin Williams with his Carpe Diem statement.... He made all those boys stand on the desk, view the room and then jump off. Everyone thought he was nuts but it changed the perspective of the room and new information was able to be seen and absorbed.

I've always done this. Even as a child I would take breaks from reality and visit my own little world in my head. As I got older, the divorce forced me to be in different places so the perspective was different evert 2 weeks. And summers.

I am at a disadvantage this time. I cannot take the amount of time needed to go someplace and sort things out. My job simply can't tolerate it right now. We are down people due to other vacations and the timing on my project is poor. It would be highly irresponsible of me to put ME first in this area.

Having done the unthinkable for me, I am even more surprised that I was able to do it without taking a trip somewhere, even for a day, to sort out and review the situation far away from the day to day. I should have though. THough I have no idea where I want to be either. I can go back Paris, but who wants to be in the city of Lights when you are heart is dark? Italy would depress me, The Carribean sounds wonderful but it's hurricane season. I can't afford Fire Island for more than a day trip, although the idea of sitting on a beach all day and then drinking at Flynns to the reggae band sounds like a hell of an idea. And I wouldn't be the first person to sleep on the beach when I missed the ferry back to mainland.

The fact is I retreated to my favorite childhood haunt. My head. From that safe place, I was able to make the decision that was most difficult for me. I am still not entirely secure with it and lets face it, it's far from over at this point.

I firmly believe that to get your bearings straight in order to make plans for your future, getting away from your past and present will help present them in a specific relief that helps you make more accurate and better decisions.

I was always the kid that thought I could fly. I was the kid who expected to grow up and be a princess. I was always a little bit dramatic and was called Sarah Heartburn by my mom throughout my life. The reality is, I am all those things. I may not be a princess, but I am a Contessa, I am dramatic and I am hiding behind my Dolce and Gabbana Sunglasses and a big floppy hat right now.

I am Rachel in "friends" and Grace in Will and Grace. When Grace breaks up with Nathan ( Woody Harrelson), she takes to her bed. She refuse to get up and when she does she brings the bed with her. At some point, she finds the slides of her childhood and makes Rosario watch them with her "Ro Ro where are you goin?" " I'm going out for some popsecret - I like a snack when I see a slide show."

I realized on the drive to my mom's on Wednesday that I was doing all of those things. I am more or less wearing the bed. I sleep all the time and on the drive to my moms, I drove through the development we grew up in ( the house was raised a number of years ago in order to BUILD the development but parts of the estate are still there), I then drove down the road that my best childhood friend grew up on ( her house is now pink - we just won't go there) and passed by Mark's house ( It looks EXACTLY the same) before turning the corner to my mom's condo. Each stop, or pause, brought memories flooding back about how much fun we had. The stupid things we all did. The laughs, the tears - all of it.

That was the review of my past.

I spoke to one of my best girlfriends today. She felt the pull to call me. She had had her aura read this week. There was a spirit attached to her, a mentor, with piano and keyboards, who passed on in the last 5 years. It was my dad. And she felt this urge to call me. We don't talk on the phone a lot, but even more rarely when we re both at home. She woke me up, and I wanted to wake up and talk to her.

We talked about the aura. I told her about all the psychic stuff that's been happening to me the last two weeks. It all seems related. It's like my dad is coming to me through her. Which means I must be ignoring his signs.... whatever they are.

That's the review of the future.

I told her the public stuff that's been going on with my best friend. She doesn't know the private. It's private. But, She does know that something is wrong. Something isn't well with me. She's right of course, but I can't tell her. I can't afford history to repeat itself.

We spoke for an hour. Afterwards I felt good. I got out of bed, I put on real clothes and went to Weight watchers. I lost 1.8 lbs. Then I went to pick up my Mary Kay products and then I went home.

This was a review of the present.

It was on the way home when I decided that I missed him and wanted to speak to him. I called his cell and told him that. He was softer on the phone. He really wants me to go to the party today. He said it again. I told him it will all depend on how fit for company I am. He laughed and said he totally understood. We had a nice talk. It was only a few minutes. I told him I was thinking about him and his brother and he said he really appreciates that. I told him if he wants to get away, my door is open. He said he would try tomorrow.

A review of the present.

I need to get away at some point. I do. But for now, I am using the escape hatch in my head. I am reviewing my past to see where I have been. I am reviewing the present to see what needs to change and hopefully by the time I can get away, I will have a better idea of what path I need to be on for my future.


But hey - I lost 1.8 for a grand total of 17.2. That is nothing to sneeze at!